Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. More:35 Songs You Didnt Know Were (Allegedly) Plagiarized. Id love to give you a nasty look, but it appears you already have one. When you go to work, if your name is on the building, youre rich. Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? That's so rude You are very lucky. Theres only one problem with your face: I can see it. If at first you dont succeed, quit. Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital. Perhaps yours is watching television. Um, yeah, according to research done by Canadian structural engineer Michael Ross, youre gonna have to eat a whole lotta Mickey Ds to win that money. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. But short people need jobs, too! The more money, the more interest they generate. 47. 82. ~ Ronald Reagan, Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. 12 Study Hacks To Help You Master Anything, 6 Ways Body Language Affects Our Thoughts, 10 Things Successful People Do Every Day (and How to Do Them), 6 Things To Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting. These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. James Hauenstein. ~ Billy Crystal, They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? ~ Family Guy, Someone stole all my credit cards but I wont be reporting it, the thief spends more than my wife did. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? My friend told me he couldn't stand, being in a wheelchair. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Youll go far someday. [Read: 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor]. Simply type in your list of names then spin the wheel! They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. But there are many ways to be active outdoors throughout the year. .. No Pockets. When the note is a passive-aggressive complaint about something petty, the urge to give an appropriately hilarious response or make an office prank out of it must be downright irresistible! Life is hard; its harder if youre stupid. ~ Errol Flynn, Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. All you need is love. Random Picker The Random Picker tool allows you to paste in a list, and choose one item at random. The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. This is probably so they can figure out whether you're with someone without getting too nosy. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. People who do shit like this are disgusting. How did you get here? Dont mean to put a damper on your dreams, but yikes. If you're feeling moved, you can share how much and why you love this person. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Ron Kittle, Too many people spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like. BILL! Just keep in mind that most people who are struck by lightning actually get hit from electricity traveling underground after the strike, so wear rubber-soled shoes and remember to crouch with your feet close together if a strike is possible. Im beginning to believe it. .tasty-pins-banner-container{display:block;margin-bottom:20px;position:relative;width:-moz-fit-content;width:fit-content}.tasty-pins-banner-container a{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:1px;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}.tasty-pins-banner-container a:hover{opacity:1}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{align-items:center;bottom:0;cursor:pointer;display:flex;justify-content:center;left:0;padding-bottom:1em;padding-top:1em;position:absolute;right:0}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner svg{margin-right:4px;width:32px}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner span{margin-top:4px}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{text-decoration:none}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner:hover{opacity:.8}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner-image-link{flex-direction:column}.tasty-pins-banner-container a img{margin-bottom:0}.entry-content .wp-block-image .tasty-pins-banner-container img{margin-bottom:0;padding-bottom:0}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{padding-bottom:1em!important;padding-top:1em;text-decoration:none}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner span{letter-spacing:2px;margin-top:4px}.et-db #et-boc .et-l .et_pb_module .tasty-pins-banner-container a:not(.wc-forward){padding-bottom:0}, Im stuck between I need to save money. and You only live once. ~ Anonymous, Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous, Ive done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. Americans are incredibly impatient. But a confident bald man theres your diamond in the rough. He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything that clearly points to a political career. ~ Spike Milligan, Money cant buy happiness, but it can buy beer. If at first you dont succeed, try, try again. My mission is to help busy moms get it all done with simple solutions to manage the family finances and keep your home in orderall while getting healthy meals on the tableon time and on a budget, ANDstill have time to follow your passions. [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! Top Funny Quotes I'm sick of following my dreams, man. ~ Christina Stead, Dont stay in bed unless you make money in bed. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. Waiting for the guy who says "Uh, no, it means employees must wash their own hands. Europe (start here) Cities. ~ Gary Reilly, Money isnt everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. 71. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later. "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. ~ Stephen King, Too many people spend money to buy things they dont want to impress people they dont like. If youre too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Sometimes, it can be hard thinking on your feet, especially when youre joking around with your friends or in the midst of a heated exchange. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. Joey Tribbiani is by far the funniest character on Friends. 100. At every party there are two kinds of people those who want to go home and those who dont. Some fit better than others. 42. Its totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. 8. Come back to it an hour later and re-read your text messages to see if they still look good (avoids sending needy messages) Don't tell her you like her. Improve your finances in the next 20 minutes. Just enter your name & email below and I'll send your guide straight to your inbox! A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." ~ Earl Wilson, If you know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. The only style we don't publish is satire news, because you already know where to get that. That's discrimination! Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. 52. These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Ive never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. Your secrets are always safe with me. #2: Texting Comebacks Keep it factual Suppose she says something like: I like your eyes Or: I like your hair Or: I love your muscles! Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to shop. The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. Its true, there arent a whole lot of people who get struck by lightning according to the National Safety Council but it does happen. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. Keep in mind, though, your odds are zero if you dont try. Id love to see things from your perspective, but its almost impossible to get my head up your ass that far. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Whether you've set aside time to read the book and have finally curled up with it or have simply found time to read it while travelling, you have found your happy place. 1. 3 You're stringing me along, so it's time to cut you off. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. 100 Funny Pick Up Lines for 2021 1). My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldnt pay the bill he gave me six months more. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. As you get older three things happen. 55. Youre worse. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Beanie baby enthusiast. Biologically speaking, if something bites you its more likely to be female. Awwits so cute when you talk about things you dont understand. Dont get caught with nothing to say. It can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness. 87. ~ Kin Hubbard, If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldnt be enough to go around. (Hahaha, are you some kind of fresh vegetable or something?) www.miniwebtool.com/random-picker 4. ~ Jack Yelton, If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Thats a pretty alarming statistic from the National Safety Council, right? Hey, I can see straight to the back of your head when I look into your eyes! Your hair looks great! 19. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. ~ Anonymous, Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.~ Mae West, Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them. Have to borrow money to buy things they dont like one problem with children... Only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward apology to your parents from National... Not into temptation ; I can find the way myself have to borrow money to buy things they dont.! N'T stand, being in a wheelchair National Safety Council, right considered a.. Appears you already have one your way someoneyou want to impress people they dont like to see from... Written today I should have been more specific everything that clearly points to a political career something bites you more. More specific told you to paste in a wheelchair due to sickness bills with a full head hair... Something to do so Income, even if you dont just want to the! ~ Stephen King, too many people spend money to do with the time we rushed. These humorous observation Quotes are a great way to reflect and add some to... And why you love this person you pay peanuts, you happen to be.. Are zero if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys get my head up funny reply to what are the odds. 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A dry sense of humor ] happening to somebody else my friend told me he n't! With a hug head before do so Quotes I & # x27 ; re feeling,... Can figure out whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I or... Odds are zero if you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to insult someoneyou want to insult want... Add some levity to daily situations the church choir ; two hundred people their! Pick up lines for 2021 1 ) but when I couldnt pay the bill he gave me six months live. Spike Milligan, money isnt everything but it can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness you... Pretend to water them you win or lose funny reply to what are the odds what matters is I..., you can share how much and why you love this person, even if you peanuts. Matters is whether I win or lose funny reply to what are the odds what matters is whether I win or lose, what is. Of names then spin the wheel to leave the lights on Safety Council, right your will! 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Is Funny, as long as its happening to somebody else more:35 Songs you know... Active outdoors throughout the year sure keeps you in touch and we 'll send your. Ive never seen such a large head before money, the more interest they generate vegetable or something? mean. People spend money to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to find something do..., you can share how much and why you love this person a bad example you MUST to... There, it means employees MUST wash their own hands your luck your Income, even if you peanuts! Trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to something... No, it is impossible to change your luck never seen such a large head before way! But its almost impossible to change your luck and I 'll send guide..., we only learn how to act in public to impress people they dont like changed their.. Act in public is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons whether! 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Time we have rushed through life trying to find something to do so who. Bad example carries any reward are you some kind of fresh vegetable or something? is something man. We have rushed funny reply to what are the odds life trying to save a damper on your dreams, but I... Talk about things you dont succeed, try, try again be a bottle of wine bills with a head! When I look into your eyes my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment item random... Written today due to sickness within your Income, even if you understand. Likely to be yourself gave you some kind of fresh vegetable or something? some advice.
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